That Lam Chop was Delightful

My life is currently like an attempt on goal from Frank Lampard; it lacks any real direction. The wife tries to fill her void with a part time job in a psychiatric hospital; it’s great that they can relate to someone on their own level.

There was a heated discussion at the wife’s workplace on the relative merits of Steven Gerrard MBE and Frank Lampard BFG. Opinion was split right down the middle; the staff sided with Stevie, the patients plumped for Frank.

The great thing about a debate of this nature is the fact that there is no wrong answer; apart from ‘Lampard’. The argument has momentarily been settled by a freak injury, although that’s a little bit harsh on Wayne Rooney. Nobody can argue against a punt on Chelsea at 1/3 to take care of Watford.

You don’t become a bad player overnight; it took Robbie Savage almost two years. I’m taking the 9/2 for a Shevchenko opener.

Historical stats are like Helen Chamberlain, they’re often reeled out but they serve no useful purpose. Middlesbrough have lost on their last four visits to West Ham, but I wouldn’t put anyone off a draw at 23/10.

The last time the Gunners visited Anfield, the Arsenal kids ran amok so uncontrollably, the local council considered issuing ASBOs. The Gunners look a great investment at 23/10 to leave Liverpool victorious for a third time.

Julio Baptista has had his knockers this season, but he always turns it on against the Reds. I like big Baps; he can open the scoring at 8/1.

I was shocked to read that Sir Alex Ferguson fired a flurry of insulting expletives towards the jovial Geoff Shreeves. The roving reporter was considering suing for slander, but Fergie’s ‘I thought it was Tim Lovejoy’ defence is watertight. I’m convinced that the 1/3 for a United win over Blackburn is also rock solid.

Bolton will be without Ivan Campo for the visit of the Blades as a routine haircut has ran into major complications. Big Sam’s men will mow down Sheffield United at 4/6.

I’m quite a spiritual being; in fact I have the ability to heal. I once roused a young lady from a drunken stupor merely by the laying of hands. She’s now completely teetotal.

Alan Pardew has breathed new life into the previously moribund Charlton; Wigan are going down in the Valley at 6/5.

Chris Coleman deserves a pat on the back. It’s easier to take something away from Tony Martin’s cottage than it is from Fulham’s. The Coleman’s mustard, they’ll see off Pompey at 5/4.

Spurs fans are still reeling from a disappointing result against the champions. Everyone knows you should throw the jab before considering a haymaker. I’m getting stuck into the 4/5 for a Tottenham win over Reading.

The ice on which Stuart Pearce’s position sits is so thin; ecological organisations have pleaded with Frank Lampard to steer clear. Manchester City won’t enjoy their trip to Newcastle, it’s far too close to Scotland. City have lost at St James’ Park on their last five visits, another Newcastle win at 21/20 will put the icing on Psycho’s cake of sorrow.

My search for a more fulfilling existence has led me to consider embracing an alternative religion. I’ll speak to Geoff Shreeves; Sir Alex mentioned something about a cult. I’m praying that the Villa beat Everton at 7/5.

This week’s accer is so eye-opening, I’ve finally realised that the secret to happiness was right in front of me all along; I live across the road from an off-license. Charlton, Newcastle, Tottenham and Aston Villa are the selections, the 17/1 payout will cover the cost of a crate of enlightenment.

Copyright (c) Gerry McDonnell & soccerphile.com

V. good but will Dukes stick around?

Celtic, Leeds United and Middlesbrough supporters don’t exactly need me to tell them Mark Viduka can be the match of anyone when he's on his day. The problem, however, for Australian coach Graham Arnold and the Socceroos fans is the striker nicknamed the V-Bomber is going to have to be at flying at full throttle the whole of July's Asian Cup for the AFC No.1-ranked side to stand a decent chance of going all the way.

Viduka was in imperious mood against China over the weekend in what was his first Socceroos appearance since the World Cup exit to Italy nine months ago. Indeed he's been in irresistible form in England since the turn of the year and seamlessly translated his domestic displays for Middlesbrough into one of those majestic individual performances the football fraternity knows lies within him, but tends all too rarely to see.

You could sense Dukes was in the mood for landing some punches on the sleepy Chinese defence from the get-go. Goalkeeper Li Leilei was just awake enough to parry the Australian captain's double efforts in the opening stages but the signs were apparent following a well-heeled drag-back in the build-up to one of the Shandong Luneng 'keeper's stops.

Viduka didn't ultimately find the net in his 76 minutes on the pitch - one of the problems is he does so infrequently (six times in 38 internationals). But his presence at the pinnacle of an attack which sees him surrounded by younger, more mobile supplementary strikers in Arnold's preferred system was immense. It might be bold to suggest that Australia would not have won without him, but when you consider the alternatives in that lone frontman role, the coach is not the only one praying Viduka shelves any plans of an Asian Cup swansong.

"What more is there to say about Dukes?" Arnold rhetorically asked national broadsheet The Australian afterwards. "He showed why we need him to stay on. We can't afford to lose him just yet.

"Mark is a vital ingredient for the national team so we need to find ways of making the Socceroos option even more attractive for him. He is only 31 and will be 34 by the time the next World Cup comes around. Mark needs to know that we are not going to impose heavy demands on him.

"Call it mollycoddling if you like but we can look after him with a well thought-out schedule in which he won't have to play in too many meaningless games and where we can cut down his travelling."

Arnold was clearly panicked by Viduka's heavy hint-dropping in the lead-up to the China clash. The burly striker's name is forever mentioned when the topic of international retirement rears its ugly head but this time he appeared to be truly flagging a desire to call it a day with the national team. There is one overriding reason: wife Ivana gave birth to son No.2 Lucas six months ago. But he has also been one a handful of senior Socceroos critical of how Asian Cup warm-up matches have been scheduled this June, giving the fatigued EPL stars just a couple of weeks break.

Viduka might only be in his early thirties, but the retirement age for Australians isn't always much higher given the weight of travelling required for most international fixtures. His trademark laid-back approach means his legs should have little trouble dragging him kicking and screaming all the way to the 2010 World Cup. But, with Arnold conceding a minimum of four more Socceroos will hang up their boots after the summer's events, some wonder why Viduka's name wouldn’t be among them?

The major concern for Arnold - and ultimately who will succeed him as national team coach for the World Cup qualifiers - is the paucity of striking reserves. John Aloisi, now plying his trade in the Spanish second division with Alaves, is the same age as Viduka. German-based Josh Kennedy was the pair's primary back-up under Guus Hiddink at the World Cup but he's not played since rupturing his right Achilles tendon last July.

The answer could lie with 23-year-old Scott McDonald, a player always mentioned as a Socceroos prospect having represented Australia at under-17, under-20 and under-23 levels. Club-side Motherwell turned down a million-dollar January transfer window bid from Rangers for the in-demand striker who's scored 12 times this season. But McDonald is now reportedly on his way to Old Firm rival Celtic after a bid of AUD$1.8 million was lodged by manager Gordon Strachan. Don't rule out McDonald for a surprise call-up when the serious business gets underway in little more than three month's time.

Copyright © Marc Fox and Soccerphile.com


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Culina's Sydney: bold and brave

Whether Sydney FC have the stamina to outlast their Group E colleagues remains a question for debate after their pulsating 2-2 draw with J-League champions Urawa Reds. But the inaugural A-League champions have already banished the memory of an uninspiring domestic campaign under sacked coach Terry Butcher and made a real statement of intent for this year's Asian Champions League.

"Pleased and disappointed," was interim coach Branko Culina's balanced reaction after only his second match in charge of the club. "Pleased that we played well in the first half and pleased with the result.

"But disappointed that we let slip a two-goal lead."

Sydney's studious manager must feel like Arsene Wenger to Butcher's Sir Alex Ferguson. The technical director of Soccer New South Wales and a regular TV pundit, Culina is a man well versed in doing his pre-match homework. As perhaps Sydney's display in Shanghai a fortnight ago demonstrated, Culina is also patently not fazed by restarting his top-flight management career in the heat of the ACL.

"Tsuboi, Tanaka, Nene, Suzuki, Ono, Abe, Ponte, Washington, Nagai ... do you want me to keep going?" he coolly responded to questions about Sydney's opponents the day before the game.

That's Culina. He exudes a quiet calm in front of the cameras while preaching a classic pass-and-movement philosophy the Sydney squad have taken to like ducks to water. And although he's been spending plenty of his evenings running the rule of his group rivals, he's also been quick to overhaul the club's stagnant style under Butcher and impart an altogether more entertaining system.

"Our game plan worked to perfection in the first 20 minutes," Culina continued confidently after the match. "Our plan was to attack them down the right-hand side in the first 20 minutes where Nene didn't have the pace or the defensive requirements to put up with Brosque.

"We changed Carney and Brosque around for that reason as well - we wanted to confuse them a little bit. But in the end we weren't quite good enough."

Culina, the father of Socceroo midfielder Jason, is certainly tactically astute but he has also inherited the bulk of the 2006 championship-winning squad. There have been a couple of further outgoings following Dwight Yorke's early season move back to the UK, but in essence Sydney's roster - albeit a little thin - has been together for more or less two years.

Of the club's three up-and-comers who will have the caught the eye of neutrals, Culina picked out supplementary striking duo Alex Brosque and David Carney for special mention. The third member of a triumvirate on the fringes of regular Socceroos recognition is midfielder Mark Milligan. National team coach Graham Arnold admitted this week he was planning to look at all three before Australia's scheduled match against Saudi Arabia next Wednesday was scrapped.

Milligan is no stranger to the senior Socceroos after receiving a last-gasp phone call from Guus Hiddink on the eve of last year's World Cup. Having now dropped back to captain the under-23s on their qualifying path to Beijing 2008, the unflappable 21-year-old showed in the opening minutes against Urawa he's more than just a midfield enforcer. It was his slide rule through ball which found Carney who finished with aplomb within 60 seconds of kick-off. Milligan too highlighted his versatility by playing at right-back after half-time

Sydney's second goal was concocted by Carney's individual brilliance with a helping hand from Brosque in the build-up. In between time Brosque, who gave Nene the run around before the Brazilian defender was replaced by Japanese international Makato Hasebe just before the interval, might have had one of his own after shooting wide with the hosts well in the ascendancy.

The Sydneysiders tired after the break and despite gifting the Reds an equaliser ended up holding on for a draw. Still, unbeaten and joint-top of arguably the toughest of this year's seven ACL groups, is a fine achievement. As Culina said, "When you consider it is someone who spends $65million on players against someone who spends $6.5million, the result is not too bad."

Copyright © Marc Fox and Soccerphile.com